So here I am, thinking thoughts again (crazy isn't it?) and someone told me I needed to write another note. I hate writing. Papers are my least favorite thing in all things scholastic. So why do I all the sudden want to write? Oh well. But I do, so don't feel bad oh ye who told me to write another one. I inexplicably want to anyway.
I've been kind of up and down lately, wondering about girls, women (like girls only with more candles on their cakes), life, where I'm gonna go. I feel like this is cheating a little in writing, but since this is how my mind works I'm gonna go with it. I don't live from day to day, moment to moment, etc. I live from song to song. I have so many bouncing around in here right now it's insane. Right now the main one I wanna pull out is Place in This World by Michael W. Smith. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QldN5wvkOro&feature=related if you haven't heard it, or just need a reminder. I grew up on cassettes of him, Petra and Geoff Moore. Some other stuff too, but mostly those.
The long and short of it is, I've felt like God wanted to teach me to love Him by loving others. So I have been. Not perfectly, but I have been getting better at looking for ways to love others. At focusing on how I can further His kingdom and not just trying to please myself. How I can enrich others' lives. All that and more. It's been great. But something's missing. I'm not going to be in college my whole life, I'm going to need to pursue my calling. If I am to have a family, if I am to work a job and minister there, or if I am to go to some far corner of the Earth to work as a missionary. How can I live for love and still allow my life to progress? I've been finding that people need a listening ear, and over and over I'm hearing (and sometimes sharing my own) sorrows and grief.
Which brings me to this one. I can't find the original author on YT, but this is a good version.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sq1pOK_NsY Everyone should listen to this. It's easy to say "I'm trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord", but it's not always easy to really, truly, drop everything and just be content with the life he gives us (another good song, by SCC but I like Avalon's versionhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMmhfoDbR9Q ). It's not easy to forget the pains we've had, the things we want to see happen, the guilt we carry... but here, at 2:30 am on a school night, I'm thinking this: "You never said it would be easy, but you said you'd see me through the storm"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSXs6f2LMvk&feature=related
God help me, and anyone reading, during the times when "Even though I feel so lonely, like I have never been before", and when I'm "Roaming through the night to find my place in this world"... to be able to be carried through the storm. Sorry if this is kinda sad, but life is hard. The world is cold. As hard as it may be, we must put our trust in that God is good. I'm fairly emotional, so of course I'm practically in tears because I know that the semester is almost over, and I won't get to see my friends for a long time. I struggle to move on when I'm loving where things are. But tomorrow is a new day, and the old has gone and the new has come. All the joys of this life, friends, family, all the good times... they are nothing compared to heaven. I still have a little piece of me wanting to hold on to them though.
Whether this is just venting or is actually insightful and potentially helpful to others, I can't be sure. "But the one thing I don't question is you, you really love me like you say you do."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dgrigf-Ca48
I love this song =D
Thanks for reading, may God bless you greatly!
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